Dear Mom & Dad

I know why I couldn't sleep last night and had to seek the help of alcohol to get myself into deep sleep. The answer is simple: I miss my mom and dad who passed away in May and September respectively. A friend who lost his father once told me that it may take a long time to get over it. I wonder how long! Probably years!

I used to write to my parents ever since the day I left for college. They would start to get worried when they didn't receive any letter. Over two decades of writing home, the number of letters gradually dropped due to the busy schedule of my job or ...should I say the laziness of writing. I even missed out mother's day, father's day along with their birthdays sometimes. Now I realise how much I miss simple things like writing a letter to my parents as follows:

"Dear mom & dad,

How are you? I hope both of you are fine.........

All the best and take care.

Your son, ........"

The letters writing eventually evolved into phone calls as my dad had problem writing. I noticed his writing was getting worse each time he replied - spelling issues, canceling of words all over the letter, missing words, etc. Knowing that my dad was an English teacher, he would not do this kind of mistakes. Eventually I was told that his brain was shrinking. During the days of our phone calls, I was usually the one calling back home. My dad would call me only if there was a long period of silence from me and my parents started to get worried. Eventually, our conversation grew very simple and short as my mom didn't have much to talk about once my parents moved to Penang - no more gossiping with the neighbours...so, I had very little news about the neighbours, my parents' friends and their children. I remember that in one of our conversation, my dad told me, "Even if we have nothing much to talk, give us a call..hearing your voice is good enough". I wish I can hear their voice the way they longed to hear mine. I even miss simple phone conversation translated from Hokkien to English as follows:

"Daddy/Mommy, how are you? Have you taken your lunch/dinner? What are you doing? How's the weather?.......Take care. Bye."

My good bye would eventually became the last good bye to them.....

2009 The Year of Death Continues

The year of death, 2009, continues to claim more lives of people I have known.

Up to May:
I lost 3 friends and my mother.

In Sept:
The number of friends that passed away increased to 4.
Then I lost my father.
When trying to contact a former teacher/neighbour, I also found out she passed away already.

Total lost so far:
4 friends
2 family members
1 teacher/neighbour

What a fucked up year, don't you think so???

I have never lost more than 3 people I have known per year in the past decades. 2009 is absolutely fucking amazing! It's a fucked up year!!! I won't be surprised if the world ends tomorrow!!

No Fishing! Can't You Read, Idiots?

This morning as I walked to the park near Ara Damansara, I came across 5 "blind" Malaysians adults fishing in the lake when the the signboards had been placed around the lake indicating "No fishing" or "Dilarang memancing" in Malay. The signboards even came with pictures that a 5 year-old kid could understand.

Normally I saw kids below 12 years old trying to fish in the lake. Most probably they caught nothing. Today, I was so surprised to see adults in their 20s-50s fishing at the lake. I was pretty sure they're Malaysians and not foreigners. At the inner part of thye lake, I saw two Chinese men probably in their 30s and 50s, fishing with a big bucket. At the outer part of the lake on a wooden bridge, I saw a Malay man and two Indian men doing the criminal acts.

What a coincidence! They comprised of 3 main races of Malaysia. I am ashamed!! In my heart I was sinking and asking them, "Can't you read the signboards, idiots?".

Not many people were at the lake because it was approaching noon. I only met a man doing his morning walk like myself. He probably was asking the same question to those "criminals". We walked pass and greeted each other with a simple "good morning". He just gave me the look and smile indicating there were idiots in the park.

There was a man cleaning the park but he seemed to be ignorant although the crime was carried out right in front of him. Probably, it was not his responsibility to catch the "criminals". There was a police station nearby but I think it was not their responsibilities to take care of the park too. There's no such thing as any park ranger in a small park like this I suppose.

No wonder a lot of parks in Malaysia look worse than cemetery!!!!