For The Memory of My Mom

My mom, Khaw Seok Eng, was born on the 11th Dec 1931 in a well-to-do Hokkien family in Penang. Her grandfather was a business man running some kind of a grocery shop if I am not mistaken. She was so unfortunate that her mother passed away due to stroke/high blood pressure when she was only 11 years old. She was mostly raised up by her grandparents. Those days, she stayed with one big family consisting of grandparents, uncles, aunties and cousins. She had a younger brother but they didn't get along at later part of their lives but my mom still attended his funeral which took place when I was a teenager in the late 80s. Due to her poor relationship with her brother, she broke down and cry whenever I had wars with my sister - my mom didn't want us to repeat the same mistake of herself and her brother. The second world war came when she was just a young girl. Her family escaped into the country side/hill to get away from the war. In 1950s, when my mom was in her 20s, she loved movies, singing and often visited her uncle (her mother's brother) that I had never met (he passed away before I was born). From my mother's 2 years diary written in 1954 to 1955, I have the impression that her uncle loved her very much - he often gave her money to spend. Before my mom passed away, she told me she could have been rich if she kept the money given to her but she spent them all on watching movies. My mother was engaged to a rich man before my father. Unfortunately the rich man was a playboy who made the servant's sister pregnant. So the engagement was called off.

My mother also had a step-mother, a step-brother and I think 2 step-sisters. I was told about a story that my mother banged the door of the bathroom without knowing that her step-mother was inside. Her father wanted to beat her up but her grandparents threatened her father to stop him beating up my mother. When I was a small boy, she often warned me about having a step-mother. It gave me the impression that she didn't have a good experience with the step-mother.

My mother was a very strict no-nonsense person. I was beaten severely by her whenever I did something wrong or when I was naughty. She would beat me with anything she can get hold of. It could be a cane, a broom, newspaper, lidi (Malay term for vein of coconut leaf) but she had never use a belt. Sometimes, it freaked out my dad, so he took me out of the house with him to prevent me from being beaten up. To be frank, I hated my mom when I was a little boy. Anyway, she often showed me her love by buying me toys whenever I ask for it. She would buy me presents whenever I behave nicely. She often worried about my studies and the people I mixed with. I eventually found out that she had a very good reason to worry - she didn't want anybody to look down on me, she also wanted me to have a good future and she also didn't want me to mix with the wrong company like her brother. I believe my rebellious behaviour reminded her of her own brother.

During my teenage years, my relationship with my dad turned sour because I was rebellious and didn't like to stick to his rules. I guess 2 stubborn people could not live under one roof. I deeply missed my dad in his younger days when we were very close. My mother was always on my side whenever there was a "war". Being a very fair person, sometimes she would criticise and tried to correct me as well. I spent a lot of time chatting with her in the room. I could always discussed with her whenever I was in trouble. Whenever I fell sick, she would be taking very good care of me - I could never pay her back on what she did when I had chest injury, jaundice, measles, high fever and food poisoning. She really took care of me 24 hours.

Years before she passed away, I always asked what she wanted me to buy for her. Most of the time she would answer that she didn't know what she wanted. Weeks before she passed away, knowing that she loved "kacang putih", I bought her a packet. She asked for dried minced meat..not just for herself but for my dad as well, so I bought her a packet. The value of everything costs me less than RM30. The value of her love is something I cannot pay back. I even asked her to think carefully on what she wanted from me the night before she was gone but she didn't ask for anything. If I can bring her back to beat me like she used to do when I was a little boy, I definitely want my mother back. I miss her deeply!

My mother passed away on 27 May 2009 at around 8.30am.

This photo was taken on 1 June 1951 when my mom was just 20 years old:


My mom's wedding photo:


This photo was taken around 6th of May 2009: